17 Apr 5 Tips for Carrying Out a Discreet Virtual Affair
How to keep your outside partners a secret while stuck inside the house
For many, an affair is a much needed supplement to an otherwise functioning marriage. Now more than ever, couples are going through the ultimate stress test for their relationship through social distancing – being under the same roof 24/7, with kids who are home from school indefinitely, and mounting uncertainty about what the future holds.
But what does this mean for your affair? Is it possible during this period of social distancing to maintain an extramarital relationship you derive real value from? One that you’ve come to rely on? Can you maintain that same connection with someone who not only meets your physical needs, but has also become a confidante, and still manage to keep it a secret?
Rather than giving into the uncertainty of the present, take action. If you want to preserve your marriage, extramarital affair, and your sanity while in isolation, we’ve come up with 5 tips that should help you discreetly navigate this transition and adapt to the new reality.
1. Establish Expectations From The Start
As with any relationship, communication is key, and the earlier the better. There is no denying that a major component of your affair has shifted – the ability to meet in person. Since affairs are essentially a parallel relationship to your marriage, it’s important you express what this change means for the both of you and how you plan on dealing with it. If you want to keep the relationship going, it will take some increased effort on both ends not only to maintain the connection but to make sure nobody finds out. Be vigilant! This will mean changing the ground rules of how and when you can message each other, which tools you use and how to keep the sexual energy thriving in a virtual-only capacity. Learn more about keeping the lines of communication open with your partner here.
2. Carve out “Alone” Time
Since you’re now most likely sequestered with your spouse around the clock, it’s important to create opportunities for your private time. In order to do that, you need to give your spouse the same courtesy. Suggest an hour a day when each of you gets completely uninterrupted space in a separate part of the house where you can meditate, read, take a bath, watch a show – you name it. Try this out the first few days to make sure neither of you are interrupting (or being interrupted!) or running into each other. When this becomes an established and welcomed part of the routine, that’s when you can have that quiet phone call with your virtual affair partner, write that sexy email, or take some risque photos. No one will be banging on your door or looking over your shoulder during any sexy chats.
3. Incorporate New Rituals
Scheduling dates in person is out of the question for the time being, but maybe you can create new discreet rituals with your virtual affair partner that keep you both engaged. Sure, an affair is largely centered on physical touch, but you’re also each other’s much needed escape from reality at this point. Don’t worry too much about the long term. Instead, keep things light and offer them a fun distraction. Maybe just once a day. Something as little as texting each other one thing you’re grateful for amidst all this chaos can go a long way. Sometimes, it’s just a small gesture that keeps us going and reminds us what we liked about that person from the beginning. People need connection now more than ever, even if you can’t see each other face to face. Don’t give up on this person or the relationship, and you’ll thank yourself later. A little goes a long way.
4. Open Up, Don’t Bottle Up
With all that in mind, don’t focus all your energy on one virtual affair relationship and put undue pressure on yourself to keep it going throughout social distancing. Cast a wider net if it’ll make you feel less anxious. This likely sounds counterintuitive given you’re probably feeling like you can barely maintain your marriage and one virtual affair, but it’s crucial now to maintain contact with the outside world. This is especially true when we’re feeling cooped up inside our house arguing with our significant other over whose turn it is to make dinner for the third day in a row. Meeting new people might feel pointless, but in a way, it’s the best time to forge meaningful connections without fogging our vision with sex and physical connection. Just look at the recent success of reality show Love is Blind, where entire relationships were forged in isolation pods where people communicated through a wall without having even seen one another! While the concept seems insane at first, it led to long term relationships in the real world. When we’re stripped down to just the basic forms of interaction, it really allows for a true connection to develop without other distractions like physical appearance and social status. And for those who just need that dose of excitement without carrying it through to a physical affair, virtual connections give us that hope that other people are in the same boat as we are and can relate to us. Don’t underestimate the power of the human connection.
5. Be Mindful
Last but not least, be mindful. Yes, we’re in a strange time right now, but that doesn’t necessarily mean we need an entirely new rulebook for carrying out a discreet virtual affair. The same rules of common sense apply. Don’t leave unlocked phones laying around. Don’t leave your email open on a family computer. Don’t have conversations out in the open. Create a schedule of your day and book in time for your affair partner like you would any other meeting or appointment and find some space and time to connect when you can sneak in some moments just for yourself. This might require a bit more creativity than normal but look for the fun in it. At the end of the day, our relationships are all we have to keep us going right now and this might just mean adjusting our participation in those relationships instead of stopping them altogether.
