Some men see sex toys as a sign that they lack skills or of boredom in the bedroom and they can be. The bigger problem here is insecurity. Men can get overly focused on their ability to single-handedly please their partner, without any aids. That can be quite difficult.
The good news is that men are able to reach enlightenment with some support from you. The first step is to get your partner to relax. Assure them that they are an excellent lover. Give examples of times the sex was really good. Don’t be afraid to provide as much detail as possible.
Toys are not a Sign of Boredom
After giving reassurance about bedroom skills, tell them that toys supplement the act rather than replace biological ‘tools’. They will not distract you, take away, or replace your partner. Point out that you want to use toys together, not instead of him.
Adult toys are not a sign you’re bored by your partner. They help provide variety for couples. You wouldn’t give up vaginal sex because you enjoy cunnilingus (oral sex). The case of toys is analogical.
Shop Together
Take the time to browse or visit a sex shop in person – shopping for adult toys together can be arousing and create anticipation. Talk about what toys you want to use together. Don’t be afraid to use your imagination and share.
It can be hard to decide where to start, so here are some suggestions for beginners. You can also go by the triple rule – one toy for each of you and a third you use together.
Best Starter Toys: Strokers
Penis strokers are an ideal starter toy for couples and men. These open-ended devices aim to achieve the feeling of a real vagina. He can try it while you break out a vibrator and enjoy the experience together.
You can also try an anal stroker. The best products are made of realistic materials, with a firm entry and a soft interior. He will feel like he’s actually having anal sex. The ribbed tunnels feel just like an anus. These toys are sized for convenient stroking and have two open ends just like vaginal strokers, so they fit most lengths. An additional convenience of the open-ended design is how easy it makes the stroker to clean. With a narrow and tight entry hole, it yields indescribable teasing and tantalizing sensations.
Penis Rings
Beginners often transition from strokers, which are used individually, to penis rings that they use together. Vibrating ones are an added bonus. They offer the additional advantage of supporting the man’s erection. They do this by supplying steady blood flow to the genitals. Some men feel aroused by the vibrating sensation on the penis. The ring vibrates the penis, leading to stronger blood flow and stimulation. At the same time, it increases the woman’s arousal by vibrating on the clitoris.
The Magic Wand
There are many takes on the classic Magic Wand, the best-selling vibrator for over five decades. This is no coincidence – it works, and it works well. Both men and women can use it for a vast range of enjoyable purposes. It has just two speeds – high and low – and doesn’t need more. Its head is soft and its neck is flexible, giving the exact right amount of pressure, and it can even relieve stress. It is highly durable as well.
Hands-free Vibrator
Hands-free vibrators are placed between the lips in the vulva. They are not meant to be moved from that point on. You can use this hands-free toy with your partner or alone. Its biggest selling point is that you can focus on intimacy and pleasure. You’re not distracted by having to hold it in place manually. It’s also possible to try different positions – the limit is your imagination.
Hands-free vibrators allow for penetration and stimulate the clitoris at the same time. Some of them come with a discreet case for charging.
Penetrating Vibrators
These products can be quite powerful and there are many reports of positive experiences. Penetrating vibrators have a slight curve, which stimulates the G-spot by allowing the toy to reach the anterior wall of the vagina. You can also use it to stimulate your clit. It can come with a lot of different rhythms and speeds.
If you browse these product ranges, you’ll see a lot of these toys are a hot pink color. It is appealing to many buyers. This color choice is no accident – it makes the toy look less phallic and less threatening to men because of this.
Sex is like a box of Chocolates
To paraphrase the great Gump…and yes, you never know what you’re going to get. Sex with a partner isn’t just one concrete act. For women, foreplay is essential and indispensable. Different toys can be used to explore different erogenous zones. They can help couples relax and blow off steam, taking the pleasure of makeup sex to a whole new level.
What if It Doesn’t Work?
Despite your best efforts, it might not work. Our suggestions work for most beginners, but there are always exceptions. What’s more, it might prove impossible to convince your partner. Some men feel overwhelmingly threatened by sex toys. They do not think progressively and are unable to cope with the changes in the sexual landscape. Sometimes, it’s not even their fault. Their mentality reflects the same patriarchal expectations, pressure, and limitations that women struggle with today.
Some men are both perpetrators and victims of a sex negative culture. This is not an excuse for their behavior, but it does make them difficult to change. As always, open communication is key. No relationship can survive without honest and open discussions. In the course of these, you’re not just talking to your partner; you’re talking to every man who has had an impact on their thinking.
Men’s insecurity about adult toys is formed by a deeply ingrained, unchallenged masculinity. However, this masculinity can crumble in the blink of an eye, laying the foundation of a new, judgment-free world. All it takes is a piece of glass, metal, or silicone in the bedroom.
